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Worth Fighting 4
by Jarold Imes
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ADULT CONNECTION ON SEX:
Caleb
Alexander
The #1 Essence Bestselling author of DEADLY REIGNS I & II who we believe will add his latest releases EASTSIDE & TWO THIN DIMES to that list of accomplishments spends time talking to OurTeenVoices.com about his teen sons and his involvement in educating them about sex.
CALEB ALEXANDER
OTV: What Genre Do You Write In (or read the most if you are not an
author)?
CA: I write fiction.
OTV: When did you read your first book?
CA: The first book I ever read was the Bible.
After that, I don't remember. I think that the first major literary
works that I read were Bless Me Ultima, The Lord Of The Flies, and The
Stand. The were assignments in High School.
OTV: In your opinion, what is the difference between romance & erotica?
CA: In my opinion, romance is about love, about
wooing someone. Erotica is about sex, or sexual stimulation.
OTV: How old were you when you first read a romance or erotic book (naming book optional)?
CA: I was probably about twenty six. It was
erotica. I think it was Zane's first book.
OTV: When do you think it’s appropriate for a teen to read romance, erotica, street/urban/hip-hop lit?
CA: I think it's appropriate when teens
understand that they are reading for entertainment purposes only. Once
they are wholly able to differentiate fact from fiction, and mentally
digest graphic content. I think romance is okay, as long as it's
surrounded by a healthy dose of reality. Parents need to explain that
Prince Charming doesn't always ride in on a white stallion and carry
young women off into the sunset. I think that young women waiting to
be saved by young men is a dangerous and socially debilitating
concept. They have to understand that they have to educated
themselves, and get out their and accomplish things on their own. I
think that as far as urban fiction, or street lit is concerned, I
think that it is ultimately the parents responsibility to decide what
is appropriate for their children and when. Violence, drugs, gangs,
guns, these things are everywhere. In books, in movies, in video
games, they totally permeate our society. Parents have to be involved.
They have to talk to their kids, particularly their young men, about
violence. They have to instill in them the fact that this is
entertainment. It's not behavior for them to emulate, it's not
something that's cool, or even acceptable. I have a BIG problem with
this thing called cool. I believe that parents have to define what is
acceptable, parents have to influence their children’s thinking, their
children's perception of what is cool, or what is acceptable. Zero
tolerance for ignorance, and zero tolerance for cruelty, and violence,
and negative activity will go a long way toward our development as a
people, toward our advancement as a people, toward the taking back of
our communities, and toward arresting our image and global perceptions
away from those that have come to the forefront and who have been
allowed to define us a people.
As far as erotica, I don't think that that material is appropriate for
teen consumption. Materials whose sole purpose is sexual stimulation
is wholly inappropriate. They should not be allowed to read it until
they are eighteen. Parents have a responsiblity to come to the
forefront and talk openly and honestly with their children about sex.
About sexual gratification, sexual stimulation, protection, diseases,
birth control, pregnancy, the whole nine yards.
OTV: What is the difference between romance and erotica twenty to thirty years ago to romance and erotica today?
CA: I think the biggest difference between
romance and erotica of twenty years ago, and that of today is content
and language. Terms that were totally inappropriate twenty years ago,
are common place today. Today it's about pushing the envelope. About
being as explicit and arousing as possible. Today's erotica is porn on
paper. There nothing mentally challenging or mentally stimulating
about today’s materials. I believe that yesteryears writers used more
cunning and imaginative terms to describe sexual acts. It was a lot
more clever, with more innuendo. I don't want to be perceived as down
rating today’s erotica authors. Please, don't take it that way. Times
have changed. So have movies, television shows, music, etc... What was
unacceptable in my grandparents’ generation, was totally acceptable in
my parents generation. The first time a Rock and Roll singer got on
television and gyrated his hips, it caused a national outcry! LOL.
Today's uncut music videos would seem like Armageddon to that
generation. Times have changed, and so have society’s values, and
tolerance levels. Whether that's a good or bad thing, I can't judge,
but it is a fact.
OTV: How do you address sex situations with your teens?
CA: I address sexual situations with my twelve
year old by being open and honest. In seventh grade, they are getting
all kinds of messages about sex, about what it's about, about how it
feels, about crazy birth control myths. And it's sad to say, but some
of the children in my child's class, are already sexually promiscuous.
It is important for me, to sit down and be as open and honest as I can
be. Kids have a built in B.S. detector. They can tell when you're
being evasive, or when they have you squirming. We use the terms that
kids use, even the vulgar ones, and them I introduce him to the proper
names for organs in an educational, non-confrontational manner. I have
and always will, maintain a very open and honest relationship with my
children. And laying those seeds have paid off. My kids come to me,
and talk to me about everything. And it's wonderful. And they come to
me and talk to me not like I'm a buddy, or a best friend, but as a
Dad. They know that Dad knows, or will look it up and find out the
answer with them, and that Dad will ultimately keep it real.
OTV: How should young adult authors handle the sex issue?
CA: I think that young adult authors should
handle the sex issue like they should handle the rest of their
writing. Be creative. The industry and the readers are crying out for
fresh new voices, new stories, and innovative ways of telling those
stories. Push the envelope. Not with vulgarity, but with creativity.
There are some very creative and poetic ways to describe the human
anatomy, and they act of sex. Make it beautiful, make it poetic, make
it honest. Make it what it was meant to be, which is a beautiful act
of creation. God ordered mankind to be fruitful and multiply. There is
a sanctity to the act that is wholly excluded from most literature
today. Again, my advice, be creative.
OTV: What situations in literature would be taking it too far for teens?
CA: Any situations that promote or glorify
promiscuity or violence. I'm not for censorship, but their is a
certain responsibility that every writer should have, particularly
when writing specifically for teens. I believe that writing for teens
is a calling, almost like being a teacher. Your works should be
focused on the development of young minds, challenging them to
greatness, calling them to action, it should be motivating,
educational, and entertaining all at the same time. When you accept
the challenge to write, and to fill, young minds, then you must
understand that you are accepting a responsibility to help craft and
mold the next generation of leaders. And as such, anyone who steps
into that calling, should understand that they are subject to a higher
morality and substantially more scrutiny than someone writing for
adults. It would be difficult for me to sit here and develop a laundry
list of dos and don’ts for someone writing for teens. I believe that
in each of us, there exist a moral compass that guides us through
life. Or at least, there should be. LOL. James Baldwin said, "The
responsibility of a writer, is to excavate the experiences of the
people who produced him." Being true to that responsibility, while
educating young minds, will be one of the most difficult, yet most
rewarding experiences that one will ever have.
OTV: What books that talk about sex would you recommend for teens?
CA: Off hand, I can think of a book that talks
about sex that I could recommend. I'm sure that there are many out
there, but I just can't name any off hand. But what I do recommend,
for the teens that are reading this, is to talk to their parents. Talk
to parents, a minister, an uncle or aunt, your grandparents, a trusted
teacher or counselor, or an adult that you respect and who respects
you. Start with your parents first. We've all been where you are
going. And our experiences and advice can help you navigate the
pitfalls and traps that are out there for you. Sex can be one of the
most beautiful experiences you'll ever share with someone, but it can
also be the most deadly. Unfortunately we live in an era where the
consequences of sex are not just a baby, or a trip to the clinic, but
a trip to the cemetery. I've never been one to try to scare anyone out
of a important decision, but I do believe in giving all the facts. The
HIV/AIDS infection rates among African American heterosexuals, is
higher than among any other group in the world, including white male
homosexuals. It is in our communities, and we are dying from it. And
even if you do dodge that bullet, having a baby, is a life changing
event. Sharing your body with an person, is one of the most important
decisions that you will ever make in your entire life, it's important
to treat it like an important decision. Like I said before, I can't
recommend a book, but I do recommend that you talk to a parent, a
counselor, a minister, or a trusted adult. Planned Parenthood has
counselors who will keep everything confidential. Just get educated,
and get the facts!
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